3 P’s of Marriage

Wiki says:

“Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.[1] The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institutionin which interpersonal relationships, usuallyintimateand sexual, are acknowledged. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing anysexual activity. When defined broadly, marriage is considered a cultural universal. A broad definition of marriage includes those that aremonogamouspolygamoussame-sex and temporary.”

But is marriage all about sex and intimacy?

NO.

At least I believe that it is not just about sex and intimacy. It is much more than these human desires. It is a bond that helps you grow together into mature human beings, be compassionate about each other, teaches you about sharing and caring and it is much more than any other relationship, if necessary space and respect is offered to the partner and their feelings.

It takes two to tango…isn’t it???

Yes the two of you can either make it or break it depending on your wisdom and understanding.

Let me now get into the topic that’s offered to me by Vineesh Kolangreth, a passionate photographer whose work can be admired at his virtual abode: Through My Eyes. To me he’s the better half of my bestest friend whom I have never met personally, but we bond like a real brother and sister.

The prompt he offered me is the 3 P’s of Marriage.

Image courtesy of nuttakit at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image courtesy of nuttakit at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Yes, like the 4 P’s of Marketing, there are 3 P’s in Marriage.

But the 4 P’s of Marketing are necessary, whereas the 3 P’s in Marriage are to be strictly avoided to make a marriage successful.

1. Possessiveness 

Both the partners need to know the thin line between Pyaar (Love) and Possessiveness. You have got married to each other doesn’t mean that you OWN each other. Just like giving birth to a child, doesn’t make you own his/her life. Loving your partner is one thing and being possessive a completely different thing. Possessiveness poisons a relationship, and slowly but surely kills it. It doesn’t allow a person to give enough breathing space to their partner. Every person needs some space for themselves; to be themselves. This is where possessiveness breaks the barrier. It crosses the thin line and makes the other person feel suffocated and frustrated. It even washes away the good moments that you might have shared in the past. Avoid it.

2. Perception

Unwanted perception about your partner is something that can put the most successful marriages into trouble. Suspicion arises when you don’t trust your partner. A suspicious husband or a wife, travels that extra mile crossing the Lakshman Rekha (Boundary Line) of the relationship. Trust and faithfulness go hand in hand to make any relationship successful, more so when it comes to marriage.

If there is a single, gossamer thin thread that binds us to the person we love, it is trust. Trust is the only area in relationships where we deal in absolutes. The strongest relationships are where we can trust another absolutely – to be faithful, to be a good provider or fellow parent of one’s children, in short, to be responsible. While trust provides such a strong foundation, it is paradoxically also the most delicate and fragile element in a relationship.

A single whisper, an alien perfume on a partner’s clothes, or similarly small out of the ordinary occurrence can make us feel suspicious and destroy the trust so necessary to sustain love.

Trust has to be about several basic issues – love and loyalty, a responsible attitude to money, not being sexually wayward or succumbing to other temptations – all these are equally important in retaining the trust of your partner. When these basic parameters are violated, marriage can become a living hell.

Excerpt fromTrust and Suspicion: Where to Draw the Line by Scharada Dubey

3. Parents

Many a marriages fall apart even when the couple do not have any problems with each other. Here the issue mostly happens to be over-interference of either set of parents or both set of parents. You got married, definitely because both you and your parents and the society have accepted you as an adult who can take his/her own decisions and can run a house independently. Joint family or nuclear family, there has to be a Lakshman Rekha (Boundary Line) for any third party including your parents within your (you and your spouse) lives. Many a times, even parents don’t do it knowingly, but their excessive love and fear of loosing control does the trick. Getting married is far more easier. The difficult part is maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse as well as your parents. Slight pluses here and slight minuses there, things balance themselves.

“In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours…”

I read this somewhere and it holds so true for marriage too…isn’t it???

DISCLAIMER

The above gyaan is simply a discussion that the author had with friends and family.
We all are different individuals and may definitely have different opinions. 
Readers are in no way forced to believe the same.
The above disclaimer is only to avoid anti-social elements from messing up my comment space. 😀

10 Replies to “3 P’s of Marriage”

  1. Rekha , I agree with Corinne that the third point is relevant for Indian marriages. Not only parents even the extended family of both the partners get involved and cause damage.
    Regarding suspicion , I would say that some are genuine . Some partners specially wives turn a blind eye to their husband’s roving eye just to keep the marriage together. A well-written post.

  2. Hi Rekha, very well said, interference, perception, lack of trust and personal space is the proper recipe for disaster in a marriage. That’s my perception..hehe I’m a bachelor but believe in trust, personal space n abhor interference.

  3. Believe it or not, the kind of problems that the Third P can cause in marriages is quite insane. In my own and in marriages of a few others that I closely know the Third P is nothing short of an avoidable pain.

    Nice post, loved how you brought about some structure into the complicated world of matrimony

  4. Everyone is talking about the third P and that is the one I wanted to point out too. Important ideas very well-put. And might I add, with great maturity of thought, as is usual to your posts. 🙂

  5. Good post. Agree with Mahabore, the third ‘P’ is most powerful. I can further divide the third ‘P’ into two 1. Policing 2. Polishing . Excessive policing or polishing by either parents creates more hurdles and roadblocks in the marital journey.

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