Reminds me of the first computer program we were made to write in the ancient language PASCAL that wannabe computer geeks like me started off with. It feels so funny at how excited we were to see that ‘Hello World!‘ as it flashed on the screen while we ran the program.
It’s been quite a while that I sat down to write something. And I had been wanting to come back to this space for a while now. I have understood that for free spirits like me rules don’t work. I was doing absolutely fine till I was on my own. And then I started aspiring to be like him and her of the online world. That’s when I lost the real me. It all started feeling like a whirlpool were in one is sucked into a whole new chaotic world of competition. I burnt my hands and took my time to heal.
I promised myself to not get into that mode of challenges and competitions. I can’t. I simply can’t. I love to be myself. I just don’t want to be like anyone else. I owe it to myself to be me. We all do. While it’s absolutely necessary to aspire something, I believe it is important to realize the break-even points. So now, you’ll see more of me here but not in any regular pattern. I’ll be here only when I feel like. Only when I have something really meaningful to share.
I spent the time I took a break from here doing what I love most. In my terrace garden. Spending time tending to my favorite living beings, plants. The greenery on the terrace and the warmth from the plants gave me company like never before. I worked real hard re-potting, pruning and fertilizing the plants. I also tried succulent propagation. All I can say is, it isn’t an easy task. Quite a few of the leaves germinated, but as the summer sun started showing its true colours lot of them just dried up leaving me heartbroken.
The other thing I did was spending time with Mom. We spoke. Like never before. And when I speak with my heart, I don’t leave anything at all. I heard her speak about her time away from home at the convent school. Her fears, her apprehensions. I listened to her struggles as an unwelcome bride at her in-laws. The friends and the foes. The manipulators and the leeches. I listened to her journey as a parent, mostly a single parent. She too listened to my complaints from life, mostly my childhood. I craved for her love while she was busy disciplining me for fear of failing as a single parent. I really wish we both connected instead of disconnecting somewhere along. She repents. And I regret. But it feels so light having ‘spoken’ to each other as not mother and daughter but as friends or sisters. I wish we had done this earlier. We would have understood each other in a much better way. But glad that we did.
And then I did what I have always been doing. Happily sharing the lovely little moments with the three loves of my life and learning and unlearning. The girls are dealing with a new school, new friends and lots of new changes in their life as well. In short, change has been the only constant in our lives for a while now. And we aren’t complaining.
So that was that. Life as they call it. Moving on with the tides and sailing on. Hope you guys are enjoying it as well. Good luck and best wishes.
See you soon.